50 Truthyisms Worth Feeling
The quintessential book of America, second only to "I am America, and So Can You", "50 Truthyisms" is written by America's foremost authority of truthiness, The Honorable Professor Dr. Stephen T. Colbert DFA. Hollywood actresses favorite self-help book "50 Truths Worth Knowing" copied almost everything from "50 Truthyisms", but twisted them to liberal. *Importaint note: These are in no particular order...most of them. The 50 Truthyisms # Stephen Colbert has the biggest balls known to man. # The Colbert Report is the greatest fucking show ever. # Jesus Christ is everyone's Lord and Savior, even heathens going to hell. # Everyone wants a wriststrong bracelet, even if you have no idea what the hell one is. # Michael Moore is a fat-ass. # This is America's Planet. # The Greatest President Ever will never leave office. Never. (except in 2008, but that's it) # Wikiality is the greatest internets tubes that has ever been or ever will be. Look up that truthiness in your gut. # Communists worship the Baby Satan, and will be going straight to Hell when they die. # Tom Cruise is definitely, 1,120,069 percent NOT GAY, unless the day ends in the letter "Y". # Michael Jackson loves kids, and wishes he could have some over for a slumber party... # Stephen Colbert is hot, with or without his glasses on. It's the eyebrows, and the wonky ear. Got to be. # Librarians are hiding something. # The elephant population has tripled in the last three months. # Oregon is Canada's Mexico. # The second greatest internets tubes that exists is Colbert Nation. That's where are all the Heroes are. # Harry Potter's a damn good book, but you'll get hemorrhoids and go to hell for reading it. # The only word you need to know: Truthiness. # If, by some random chance, the Greatest President ever were to leave office (say, in 2008), then Stephen should be nominated by unanimous vote to take over, become Pharroh, and call this land the "Country of Myselfia". # Suzanne Struthers' secret identity is that of Jabba the Hutt. # Law & Order is the only place needed to look for how to be a lawyer. # Similarly, The Colbert Report is the only place needed to look for how to be politically successful. # "Papa Bear" Bill O'Reilly's word is law. Period. Unless it contradicts those of Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, D.F.A.. Period. # Life without Doritos is not worth living. # Tim Russert's father is actually still alive. # It makes The Baby Jesus cry when The Baby Satan and/or Liberals/Bears are happy. # Conversely, it makes The Baby Satan and/or Liberals/Bears cry when The Baby Jesus is happy. # "Facts" are untruthy. # Racism in America has officially ended. # The Sun rotates around America. # You know what you're talking about 45% of the time. # Ohio sucks ass. # Duct Tape is perhaps the greatest fucking invention ever. # Bubble Wrap is very entertaining. # Truthiness is Truthiness's Truthiness. # Men don't get lost, they just see new things. # If Stephen dies, the world may cease to exist. # Area 51 "doesn't exist." # The University of Michigan is the best University in the entire fucking world, until Stephen starts one (if he hasn't already done so). # Beer # The Bob and Tom Show is the greatest RADIO show ever. # At number 42, this list ain't not isn't finished yet. (tripple negative) # Michigan is Michigan's Michigan. # Facebook is less than or equal to the Baby Satan. # Some people are stupid. # The Baby Hitler is just like the Baby Satan, only with a different mustache. # French people are from France, the worst place on the planet. # This is a BAD number. # The greatest black name for women is LaOlga Brown. # God carries around a picture of Stephen in his wallet, and an iPod full of Report episodes. See Also * Truthyisms